Harry and the Foray into Wonderland
by Apara
Summary: It's very bizarre and short. Harry has a dream similiar to Alice's in Alice in Wonderland. Crookshanks swears! Shame on him!


Twas brillig, and the slithy toves  
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:  
All mimsy were the borogoves,  
And the mome raths outgrabe.

From Lewis Carroll's The Jabberwocky

It was a pleasantly drowsy day and Harry, Hermione and Ron were doing nothing more exerting than shifting to find more comfortable positions as they lay sprawled under a tree's umbrageous limb. Harry felt his eyes grow heavy and he shut them, planning only on resting them for a bit. Suddenly he heard something odd and he opened an eye lazily to see the cause of the disturbance when his eye alighted on a sight most strange. It was Crookshanks, or at least it looked like Crookshanks but he didn't remember Crookshanks ever wearing a waistcoat or boots before.

As Crookshanks walked past them (on his _hind_ legs mind you) he took out a pocket watch and muttered angrily. "GodDamnit! I'm Late! I'm Late! If I don't hurry up those morons will show up and ruin the whole GodDamned thing. Lousy, Good for nothing... Ahhhh Damn I'm so fucking late!" With that he walked a bit faster toward the Whomping Willow.

Curious (Curiosity killed that cat as we know but we can't blame poor Harry if he relies on his practically endless supply of good luck, or on the fact that there's a prophecy that says that only Voldemort can kill him. Anywho back to the matter at hand…) Harry leaves his sleeping friends and follows after the still muttering cat. Crookshanks walked straight up to the willow still muttering quietly to himself until that is the Willow decided to greet him with a spirited WHACK! Caught off guard as he was Crookhanks barely managed to avoid the friendly gesture with grace and gave the Whomping Willow and Scolding on proper salutation etiquette.

"You GodDAMN piece of Weed! I'll burn your MotherFucking worthless wooden ass to the ground if you ever try that again! And I'll tell you what else you forsaken –"He continued on in that vein for sometime and when he was through the Whomping Willow was singed and foul smelling from the verbal tongue lashing and liberal use of expletives. With that out of the way Crookshanks made his way down the tunnel at the base of the tree and Harry quickly followed after before the Willow could recover enough to try to 'greet' him too. As Harry crawled a few paces in he decided that the tunnel was Not A Good Place To Be and that he would exit at once. Unfortunately for Harry the tunnel floor vanished and "Gravitation's law of course, as Isaac Newton showed it, exerted on the boy it's force and elsewhere soon bestowed him." As Harry experienced the wonderful power of Chee- er, gravity, the tunnel became weider and increased the strength of it's "This Is Not A Good Place To Be" vibes. I won't bore you with the details but lets just say that Snape in a dress was not the only- or anywhere near - the strangest thing he saw on his way down. When Harry finally hit the bottom he found himself in a very depressing room. Everything was rickety and gray and broken down. On a table that was defying all laws of nature by still standing and supporting weight there were two glass bottles. One was labeled, "Insight" and the other, "Ignorance". Harry of course being the knowledgeable boy that he was and having learned a few lessons in the last years and from his short time in the tunnel decided to eat from the "Ignorance" bottle because the old saying "Ignorance is bliss" was a very attractive notion indeed. But Harry's luck had turned against him and the bottles were mislabled, though _he_ didn't know that. Harry soon found himself in an even stranger environ. It was beach with palm trees and such, but that wasn't the strange part. Both the sun and moon were out and appeared to have faces. He was distracted from this oddity by two familiar faces, Remus Lupin and Sirius Black. Lupin gestured for Harry to join them on a low rock by the shore.

"The time has come," The werewolf said, "To talk of many things: Of Shoes-and ships-and sealing wax-Of cabbages-and kings-And why the sea is boiling hot-And whether pigs have wings."

"Er, wait a bit," The boy who lived cried, "before we have our chat; For one of us is very frazzeled, and all of us are-" but what they were we'll never know because a sharp elbow jarred his side and brought him abruptly out of dreamland.

"Hey, Harry, wake up mate. We have to go visit Hagrid, remember?" said his friend rather loudly.

"What…? Oh, yeah, must 'ave nodded off there. I had the weirdest dream, 'Mione, I think all the stress of studying and taking the exams has finally caught up with me." (either that or it was the pumpkin juice and the butterbeer he mixed together and had earlier…)

The End. (or is it?)

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Disclaimer: I own nothing of J.K. Rowling's. Duh! I own nothing of Lewis Carroll's! I own nothing of Guy Wetmore Carryl's. If you couldn't spot the Lewis Carroll bits, Pick up "Alice in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass"! Do it now! "Gravitation's law of course, as Isaac Newton showed it, exerted on the boy it's force and elsewhere soon bestowed him." This line is from (with a slight modification) Guy Wetmore Carryl's poem "The Sycophantic Fox and the Gullible Raven". It's so funny, you should read it! Google the author so you can read it! I was in a really weird mood when I made this. What does that 1st paragraph from the Jabberwocky have to do with the story? Guess, My Poppets! Muahahahaha! ahem It's just a silly little one-shot. Sometime after book 3. read and review!

Apara


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